Dear God, thank you

As I sat in this morning talk by Ustazah Norhafizah, tears kept pooling up at the corner of my eyes.

"Ya Allah, kau masih mengingati, menyayangi aku walaupun aku ini hanyalah insan kerdil yang banyak melakukan dosa, lagi hina. Betapa banyak aibku tetapi kau tetap bawaku ke jalan yang diredhaiMu. Astagfirullah, SubhanAllah"

I attended today's special talk aptly titled 'Srikandi Idolaku: Saidatina Khadijah & Saidatina Aisyah' at the Yayasan Restu, Shah Alam. The turnout was great although it was held during working hours; from 9.00am-11.00am. As I explained in my Instagram, Yayasan Restu was crawled with cars that some even poured out to the side of the main road. So I ended up parking within the Masjid Shah Alam compound, about 7 minutes walk away from the venue. It was okay for me, as I needed my 10,000 steps anyway.

To be honest, I was still struggling with waking up early and yes, to wake up at 8am today was indeed a challenge for me. I am so used to sleeping at 3am everyday that body sort of got used to it. Usually my normal sleeping routine would be, sleep at 3am or 4am and I will wake up again at 6.45am for a 5-minute Fajr prayer and straight away head back to bed, continuing my sleep. I know, it is bad for my health. No worries, I had a really good wake up call on my health matter earlier this week, which you can read here.

So, since it was a 9 o'clock event, I wind up my alarm clock the night before and had to battle with own body for at least 30 minutes before finally getting up to get ready. I tell you why later. My point is, it took quite an effort from me to get to this morning's event. For me, it was a quite a success the minute I stepped into the auditorium armed with my notepad and pen. 

Every few times a week, I do attend the short classes held by Yayasan Restu every weekday morning. So, I thought the crowd for today's event would be like any normal days during the short classes. Just nice, not too crowded. But oh no, Shah Alam citizens are indeed a bunch of spiritual-conscious people and the entire auditorium was filled to the brim. Ladies, mostly in their late 40s & 50s were seated all over the auditorium and I had to squeezed through a bunch of people before finding a spot for myself. 

The minute Ustazah Norhafizah started her talk, it hit me. 

Here I am, having to battle myself in the morning, had to park my car far away then struggling to get a spot to sit yet as difficult it was, again and again I succeeded and made it possible. All possible because it was fate that allowed me to here today. I was destined to attend this talk, as I was destined to find my path back to God this past few years, as I was destined to start my own business so I would have time and opportunity to attend majlis ilmu such as this. SubhanAllah. 

They started to zikir;

Hasbi rabbi jallallah

Ma fi qolbi ghoirullah

Nur Muhammad sallallah

Haqqul lailahaillallah

Malay translation:-

Cukuplah Tuhan bagiku, Allah yang maha Agung

Tiada dalam hatiku selain Allah

Cahaya Nur Muhammad SAW

Benarlah, Tiada Tuhan melainkan Allah

English translation:-

Allah suffices for me, Allah God Almighty

Nothing in my heart but Allah

Nur (light) of Muhammad peace be upon him

Indeed, There is no God (to worship) but Allah

'Kehebatan Saidatina Khadijah & Aisyah adalah sistem tauhid keyakinan yang kukuh. Tidak ada sedikitpun keraguan langsung kepada Allah.' - Ustazah Norhafizah

MasyaAllah.

After all the years that I have sinned, I have done wrong; never did he ever gave up on me. Somehow, He always lead me back to the rightful path. Dear God, your love for me, for not wanting me to astray for so long is so great that I am ashamed of myself. I am ashamed to you and my Rasul SAW. I do not deserve such love, dear God. Yet you bestow me your guidance. 

Astagfirullah, astagfirullah, astagfirullah. 

Lailahaillallah. 

Dear God, I promise to be istiqamah, I promise to be better. 

I will improve myself slowly but surely, in sha Allah. 

I know I can do better because of the love you have showed me, again and again. 

I will prove to you, dear God, that I deserve to be born as a Muslim and die as a Muslim, in sha Allah. 

I have posted this status shortly in my facebook because knowing how much God loves me moved me greatly. 

"Sometimes you may have everything in the World; wealth, loving family, great career but if you do not have time & health, it doesn't mean anything."

And yes, God has given me all that I need; a bit of wealth, loving family, great career and most importantly, God has given me health, time & opportunity to get closer to Him. Time to learn more about Him from the Al-Quran. Time for me to do more good bidding on earth. To understand that the ultimate recognition in life is only from Him and that death is a convocation to living eternally in akhirat. 

I shall not forsake this opportunity & realisation given by Him, in sha Allah.